By MorganO
Okay, I admit it. I can’t really help you green your spouse or significant other, but I can tell you what NOT to do based on my own, hard-won experience. Perhaps these suggestions will keep you out of the counselor’s office, away from a divorce attorney, and on speaking terms with your other, less green half.
- Do NOT turn off every switch in the house! I did this once, not realizing that one switch actually turned off the power to an outlet. Unfortunately for me, my hubby’s laptop was plugged into that outlet and… in the middle of some very important programs. Doh! This snafu had him giving me the evil eye for days and possibly set back my green campaign months or even years.
- Do NOT criticize his or her cooking and non-green ingredients, especially when she or he is in the middle of preparing dinner. Remember those hidden cameras in restaurants? Well, just because you are married or living together doesn’t mean your plate won’t end up with some extra salt, used coffee grounds, or in my case a double dose of habanero peppers. I think a portion of my tongue is still numb from that one and that was 3 years ago!
- Do NOT recommend not flushing toilets as an alternative to low-flow toilets or even as a temporary measure to save water. This was one suggestion my other half was only too happy to follow. The problem was this man produces more methane and waste product than a herd of cows. After we nearly blew up the house 3 days into this experiment when we tried to turn on the gas stove, I bit the bullet and used my own money to buy and install low-flow toilets. Trust me. It is safer to find an alternative way to save water in some cases.
- Do NOT suggest showering together as a way to save water and money unless there are some clear guidelines in place. We tried this one week, but ended up missing 2 whole days of work, using three times the amount of water, and turned into prune-like resemblances of human beings. Better to clearly state that showers will last 20 minutes tops and there really only needs to be 1 shower per day as opposed to 10.
- Do NOT inform your spouse at 5:00 am that you have decided to eliminate coffee from the morning lineup. Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Instead, switch to fair trade coffee. You could consider slowly changing the coffee from the old brand to the new over a period of time to help with the adjustment.
- Do NOT attempt carpooling with your significant other unless you are truly prepared for it. Two months after we began carpooling I realized he is a “chatty paddy” and I am a “sleepy sue.” After thoughts of stuffing a dirty sock in his mouth crossed my mind, we came up with a new solution. He listened to his favorite radio talk show, while I put in my earplugs and zoned out to the sounds of the ocean.
- Do NOT suggest xeriscaping without explaining what it entails. Our yard currently resembles a cross between the Sahara desert and the Charlie Brown Christmas episode with sad, drooping bushes and the occasional, determined flower. Anyone know a master gardener looking for a volunteer project?
- Do NOT freecycle your spouse’s technology gadgets, old clothes, or favorite magazines without asking first. Did I do that? Ooops.
- Do NOT constantly talk about the green life to your spouse or significant other. Remember, there are other things to talk about such as what will happen in the next season of Grey’s Anatomy or who will win the World Series. He or she will be much more receptive to your ideas if you spread them out over time.
- Finally, be careful when discussing greening your transportation. You want to make sure that you communicate clearly. By this, I mean that you should actually listen to each other. When I brought up the possibility of trading our aging “baby” SUV in for something greener, my hubby’s face got dreamy and his eyes glazed over. After years of living with the man, I recognized the symptoms. It was J.D.itis. I waved my hand in front of his face, but he was deep inside with dreams of scooters flitting through his head. See video below:
Disclaimer: The author of this post is not a professional greenologist, licensed therapist, or board certified lawyer nor does she play any of these on TV. Information contained in this post may or may not be true. The author of this post may or may not still be married.
